I like to gamble so I can get rich,
But losing money is such a bitch.
The casino is forty miles away,
And I drove here again today.
Bunch of gamblers all around,
In this roudy place of sound.
I withdraw some cash and walk around
To find the card tables on this ground.
I find the table where I always win,
Take a seat and order some gin.
I always get so damn nervous,
Waiting for the cocktail service.
My favorite dealer is always Haley,
And I see her pretty much daily-
The best damn dealer in all the state-
Young and pretty, and she’s never late.
She deals the cards and flips a queen,
Leaving me with just sixteen.
“Should I hit or should I stay?”
“It’s up to you, but I would pray.”
She flips a card when I ask for a hit.
It’s a five! I’m luck as shit!
I just won three bills-I think I’ll quit.
I get up and walk away
To find another game to play.
I find roulette, and see a spinning ball,
Put two hundred on red and lost it all!
I’m a hundred up, so I’m still cool-
I should’ve left! I’m such a fool!
I slap fifty down on red-
If it doesn’t hit, the dealer’s dead.
Seeing as how I’m a gambling feen,
I put five on lucky nineteen.
I look the dealer in the eye,
Thinking it better hit or you’ll die.
I think I put in him some fear,
As I grin and sip some beer.
It hit my number! Damn, I’m good!
I got a feeling and knew it would!
I walk away with three-twenty-five,
Feeling like I’m so alive.
I take a break and have a smoke,
Then I have a burger with a jack and coke.
I walk around and find a girl dealing poker-
If I lose, I’m gonna choke her.
The dealer asks how I am and I tell her to hush.
First hand I’m dealt, I get a flush-
Five diamonds-What a rush!
“I see your on a streak of luck!”
“I thought I told you to shut up! What the f*ck?”
She gives me a look as if she’s mad-
So I smile and look very glad.
I’ve been drinking too much and getting sick,
So messing with the dealers sure gives me a kick.
She deals me nothing, so I call her a prick,
And I take some chips and throw it at her head.
“I lost it all!” That’s what I said.
I better run, because I know I’m dead.
I grab my chips and start to run out,
And I see security as they start to shout.
As I start to head for the door,
I hope my car’s parked on this floor.
Don’t ask me why, but I light up a smoke,
Running with a jack and coke.
The Indians are gonna make me choke.
I’m in the garage, and find my car,
Seeing the Indians running from afar.
I get in and lock the door,
Thanking God I parked on this floor.
Thinking this shit was pretty funny,
I left the casino with a lot of money!